My Eyes and Ears Literally Bled

Greg Lockhart
3 min readNov 9, 2022
Not even close to the original product

Let’s get in my ‘Grumpy Old Man’ time machine for a much-needed lesson. Let’s go back to Saturday, October 11, 1975….I was just beginning the 6th grade and already I had been influenced by some of the G.O.A.T. comics.

On that Saturday night back in ’75, comic genius George Carlin hosted the first episode of Saturday Night Live. The rest as they say…is history.

But all is not a rosy picture when referring to the recent quality of SNL. Not by a long shot.

So, I decided to thoroughly watch and dissect both the original episode and the episode which aired on October 28, 2022. There is really no way to compare these two episodes. In the first episode, I was a young boy that thought the funniest thing in the world was a fart joke. You know how 11-year-old boys are.

Carlin had this bit he did on farts and I thought I would have to get my dad to take me to the local emergency room for I was certain that my spleen had ruptured from hemorrhagic laughter.

You know how 11-year-old boys are…

In 1975 SNL was comprised of the greats. Ackroyd, Belushi, Radner, Chase, Morris, Curtain, and the musical guests were actual musicians.

The current version of SNL is comprised of a talentless pool of humanity that wouldn’t know comedy if they did a classic Chevy Chase pratfall in it.

John Belushi was becoming an icon. Dan Ackroyd was about to team up with John to form the Blues Brothers and that was one gigantic step beyond comedy. It was art.

Things I would Rather Do in 2022 Besides Watch Another New Episode of SNL

I have put a lot of thought into the following list of things I will do before ever watching another episode of SNL;

  1. Learn how to appreciate watching paint dry
  2. Perfect the ‘Soup Sandwich’
  3. Drink a 6-pack of “Billy Beer” I have been harboring since 1978 without being refrigerated
  4. Gouge out my eyes with knitting needles
  5. Use alcohol wipes to clean my butt after a Mexican meal bowel movement
  6. Be locked in a room and forced to watch 100 hours of the Lawrence Welk Show with no bathroom or sleep breaks
  7. Slit my tongue with a razor blade and swish out my mouth with 20-year-old scotch
  8. Chose no novocaine during my next root canal

Sorry, I couldn’t come up with 9 and 10 but I certainly hope you get the idea…

If I am Forced to Watch Another Episode of SNL…

  1. I will sit patiently in front of the TV hoping that the bag of prunes I just consumed will kick in
  2. Opt for a lube-free prostate exam on my next physical
  3. Book a block of time at the Hadron Particle Collider in hopes of creating an artificial black hole allowing the planet to consume itself

In conclusion…SNL really really is that bad…said this “Grumpy Old Man!”



Greg Lockhart

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